The Secret Life Of Lauren

I come home to my 400 sq ft Denver apartment after working a seventeen-hour day including school. I check my little twelve-inch high by two-inch deep mailbox and find something appearing to be a very important letter. It looks as though it is Fed Ex, although it is in my regular mailbox. I even have to tear from a tab off the top to open the envelope which is cardboard, much more important that a “paper lick and seal” envelope… inside I find word for word the following letter. Following the letter you will find my response.

Dear Katie L. Lauren,

I am rushing this message to you just hours after accepting the Democratic nomination.

Our campaign to end the Bush presidency and move America forward is now in its most critical stage. The Bush Republicans have wasted little time in trying to disrupt the strong momentum we gained in Boston.

But, with your immediate help, the powerful grassroots movement we have built won’t yield an inch.

If you want to help drive George Bush from the White House and win other critical 2004 contests, not is the time for you t act. By rushing as generous a donation as you can possibly afford, you can move our campaign closer to victory.

The stakes couldn’t be any higher—and your immediate personal involvement has never been more essential.

From reviving our economy…to restoring respect for America around the world…to ending Republican assaults on Medicare and Social Security… to solving America’s health care crisis, We’ve got everything on the line in these elections.

So, we’re pulling out all stops to break George Bush’s grip on the White House and win other critical electoral contests.

From this point forward, our campaign will be a flurry of fast-paced activity. Nothing is more important than you lending your immediate support to the Democratic National Committee’s efforts to build a massive grassroots organization.

We’re going to win this election by campaigning door-to-door, face-to-face, fighting for every vote right through November 2^nd.

And, when our remarkable campaign is over, the real story of 2004 will be the tale of how millions of Americans who came together and, with unmatched determination and spirit, wrestled power from George Bush and led America in a new, more promising direction.

It is the most important election of our lifetime- and I’m counting on you to help pull us through to victory. So are other candidates locked in tough contests against well-funded GOP opponents.

You and I have America’s future in our hands. Together, let’s drive forward to victory.

John F. Kerry

430 South Capitol Street, SE

PO BOX 96032

Washington, DC 20090-6032

AND NOW FOR MY RESPONSE

Dear John F. Kerry, (I included your middle initial because you included mine. I know you don’t usually use it, nor do I)

I don’t usually try and make a habit out of soliciting money from those I don’t know, but I figure if you found it appropriate being in the position of our presidential hopeful it can’t be all the wrong to do so.

I am rushing you this message just hours after beginning my junior year in college. And hours after receiving your letter. Coincidence? I think not.

My journey to complete my junior year of school and move forward into my career as an elementary school teacher is now in its most critical stage. The government has wasted little time in notifying me that once again I will not be eligible for financial aid. Mostly due to the fact I am a middle class white girl who has chosen to wait to have children or marry until I am better able to support large decisions such as those. Note I use middle class lightly as earning just over fourteen thousand dollars for the previous year is considered middle class enough to where I should be able to support myself, and pay tuition.

But, with your immediate help, the powerful grassroots movement I began to fund my college can grow, to more than just my mother and me.

If you want to help drive me towards publicly educating children of the future to the best of my ability and beyond now is the time to help. By rushing as generous a donation as you can possibly afford, you can help move me closer to victory.

The stakes couldn’t be any higher-and your immediate personal involvement has never been more essential

From paying my bills…to paying my tuition…to ending my credit debt and restoring my self respect…to getting rid of university health plan to a more suitable coverage…to ending my night job as a waitress… to eventually fighting for the rights of public school children, I’ve got everything on the line in this education.

So I’m pulling out all the stops to insure I finish this degree one way or another.

From this point on my education will be a flurry or faced paced activity. Nothing is more important than you lending your immediate support to Katie L. Lauren’s efforts to finish school in order to someday to fight for public education reform, and her goal in building a massive grassroots organization to fund her schooling.

I’m going to finish this degree by working double shifts at the restaurant, eating left over pizza, writing countless scholarship letters, (to which I will inevitable be denied based solely upon my large salary of fourteen thousand dollars a year.) begging my mother for money, and fighting for every penny right through May of 2006.

And, (when did it become okay to start sentences with “And” anyway) when my remarkable graduation is over, the real story of 2000-2004 will be the tale of me, my mother and John Kerry, who came together and, with unmatched determination and sprit, wrestled the power from the financial aid department, and led Katie L Lauren in a new, more promising direction.

This is the most important decision of my life time- and I’m counting in you to help pull me through to this graduation. So are other “middle class” white, unwed, childless females locked into the rules and regulations of financial aide.

You and I have my future in our hands. Together, let’s drive forward to victory.

Sincerely,

Katie L. Lauren

P.S. Please make checks payable to Katie L. Lauren. Or if you prefer you can leave out the L. It’s a little more formal than I prefer and with us both asking each other for money and all, I feel we can drop the formalities a bit.

P.P.S. Please excuse the stain on the blank form I enclosed with my response. Its left over pizza I was eating for the fourth day this week. Also please excuse the form is blank without a check or my credit card information, I’m sure you can understand my lack of funds to support your campaign. However if you do want suggestions on earning money for your campaign, I can suggest a few cheap pizza places to cut corners, and if all else fails my restaurant is always hiring bus boys and dish washers, I can put in a good word for you.