In this I believe

This I believe…

Everyone should have or does have a gay uncle, great uncles count. Everyone should love themselves and everyone should eat more broccoli and take vitamin B, B2, B3 and B77 or what ever it goes up to now. Everyone should keep their friends within close reach and their enemies even closer. This I believe… It is only ok for women to spit as long as they were taught by their grandfather when they were under the age of four.

This I believe…. Our country hates politicians, whether Gore, Clinton, Kennedy, or Bush. We just complain. The right that we have, the right to complain, now this I believe. Public education is a joke, and this I believe. Only job in the world where employees (teachers) are entitled to their jobs whether good or bad. This I believe, a true educated person can sit in a room with Fox news freaks and CBS weirdoes and still equally like them both.

In this I believe, David Sedaris is the only author that ever literally made me wet my pants. And hundreds of others get published a year for writing the same story about some troubled middle class girl in New York one step away from a mental break down. On the last part I don’t believe because it just makes me want to vomit.

In this I believe, people with ugly kids still find them cute, and my dog is cuter than yours.

In this I believe, you will most likely in life find people wanting you to change and rarely people that want you to be yourself.

In this I believe… you will always have cute middle class teenagers who can afford five hundred dollar purses, and middle class, not so cute women buying the knockoffs.

In this I believe beer cozies, and the color brown will make a comeback.

I believe if the groomer ever cuts my dogs hair like a poodle again I will, and I believe this time I will kick her right in her Judy.

I believe in world peace, and all the blah blah stuff we can only hope will ever come, you know when the real Peter Pan fly’s home.

In this I believe, the people that eat creepy crap on fear factor are nasty and the people that watch are ever nastier. I believe in Danny Tanner from Full house, uncle Jesse and Kimmy Gibler. I believe that good in T.V. died with T.G.I.F. I believe video never killed the radio star but NBC killed my childhood when they canceled Doogie Houser MD. As An adult I believe it is impossible to choose between death or sleeping with Paul from the Wonder Years.