Friday, February 10, 2006
My Brother The Tard
My brothers retarded I hope you know. Now I don’t mean like Corky, or Rain Man retarded. He’s his own special kind of retarded. Don’t think I’m confused with him just being stupid he’s real genuine retarded.
He makes his ‘O’s’ all wrong. All fucked up and shit. Starts at the bottom and goes to the top. Not normal… kinda retarded like. They warned my mom you know. They told her it was a sign of retardation. They kinda look like smashed side ways D’s.
You should know he failed Kindergarten. Stop him on the street and ask him; he’ll give you some story about being young and small or some retarded excuse. Kid should wake up and realize he failed. Probably didn’t know his letters or some shit.
So last year he put my little sisters Christmas present in a blue and white gift bag. Stupid retard didn’t even know those were Hanukah colors. This of course was before we knew we were Jewish. Thought he was being nice when he said I could put my gifts in it also. Like it isn’t hard enough my parent have one retarded kid, we don’t want them to think I crossed over as well.
Tried to put him up for adoption last week. Called the adoption service and was helped by a real bitch. I mean she started off cool and all. So I tell her I want to put my retarded brother up for adoption. She went on with some nonsense about him being twenty-five and some crap about me not being able to because I wasn’t his parent. I was like shit lady if you met my parents you would know they weren't his either. So I was like come on let me give him up he’s a pain in the ass. And she was like… NO. So I was like well you can’t just not take him because he’s retarded. So she was like, well how is he retarded? So I was like well lady you should see how this kid holds his spoon. Grips the whole damn thing in his fist like a two year old. Plus he breathes weird when he eats. So she was all telling me that, stuff like that doesn’t classify someone as handicapped. So I was like whatever bitch don’t be pulling out your technical terms on me. I said you know what adoption lady, your probably just pissed because your retarded. So she all goes and hangs up on me before I even get to the part about how he makes his “O’s”.
So I’m totally stuck with his ass now. I mean come on this kid doesn’t even eat egg drop soup. He used to love it, Used to eat it all but the chunks. He doesn’t eat the chucks because he doesn’t like eggs. So one day I was like “hey retard those chunks are tofu and the stringy things are the eggs.” Ass hole doesn’t even know what eggs are.
It’s funny to watch him drink. I mean don’t get me wrong they guy can handle his shit, but after about ten beers or so he really starts to get the whole short bus look in his eyes. His girl friend always tries to blame me. Says shit like … “well he’s YOUR brother”. I just listen to her because I feel sorry for her, having to put up will all that “O” nonsense. But in my head I’m thinking yeah he’s my brother but you’re the one making the choice bitch.
So he has a job and all. Functions just fine, makes good money, went to college lives in a house. But its only because they don’t know. Bet you lots of money if those people that gave him the house or the job… bet you lots if they saw how he made his “O’s” they put him on the next short bus to the special Olympics.
.
He makes his ‘O’s’ all wrong. All fucked up and shit. Starts at the bottom and goes to the top. Not normal… kinda retarded like. They warned my mom you know. They told her it was a sign of retardation. They kinda look like smashed side ways D’s.
You should know he failed Kindergarten. Stop him on the street and ask him; he’ll give you some story about being young and small or some retarded excuse. Kid should wake up and realize he failed. Probably didn’t know his letters or some shit.
So last year he put my little sisters Christmas present in a blue and white gift bag. Stupid retard didn’t even know those were Hanukah colors. This of course was before we knew we were Jewish. Thought he was being nice when he said I could put my gifts in it also. Like it isn’t hard enough my parent have one retarded kid, we don’t want them to think I crossed over as well.
Tried to put him up for adoption last week. Called the adoption service and was helped by a real bitch. I mean she started off cool and all. So I tell her I want to put my retarded brother up for adoption. She went on with some nonsense about him being twenty-five and some crap about me not being able to because I wasn’t his parent. I was like shit lady if you met my parents you would know they weren't his either. So I was like come on let me give him up he’s a pain in the ass. And she was like… NO. So I was like well you can’t just not take him because he’s retarded. So she was like, well how is he retarded? So I was like well lady you should see how this kid holds his spoon. Grips the whole damn thing in his fist like a two year old. Plus he breathes weird when he eats. So she was all telling me that, stuff like that doesn’t classify someone as handicapped. So I was like whatever bitch don’t be pulling out your technical terms on me. I said you know what adoption lady, your probably just pissed because your retarded. So she all goes and hangs up on me before I even get to the part about how he makes his “O’s”.
So I’m totally stuck with his ass now. I mean come on this kid doesn’t even eat egg drop soup. He used to love it, Used to eat it all but the chunks. He doesn’t eat the chucks because he doesn’t like eggs. So one day I was like “hey retard those chunks are tofu and the stringy things are the eggs.” Ass hole doesn’t even know what eggs are.
It’s funny to watch him drink. I mean don’t get me wrong they guy can handle his shit, but after about ten beers or so he really starts to get the whole short bus look in his eyes. His girl friend always tries to blame me. Says shit like … “well he’s YOUR brother”. I just listen to her because I feel sorry for her, having to put up will all that “O” nonsense. But in my head I’m thinking yeah he’s my brother but you’re the one making the choice bitch.
So he has a job and all. Functions just fine, makes good money, went to college lives in a house. But its only because they don’t know. Bet you lots of money if those people that gave him the house or the job… bet you lots if they saw how he made his “O’s” they put him on the next short bus to the special Olympics.
.
# posted by laurenblogs @ 8:25 PM 
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