The Secret Life Of Lauren

Dear Colorado Springs, Colorado,

Look I know you guys are all pretty busy “focusing on the family” but I was hoping you could take a few minutes out of your day to focus on a few other things.

See, I was thinking you might want to put some thought into plowing the streets when it snows up here. Or at least a little sand, a little sand on the roads never hurt anyone.

I was also thinking perhaps we could cut a little bit of a deal here. You don’t build anymore churches until you build a decent bar around here. One that I can walk into and not have more teeth in my mouth than the rest of the customers collectively.

I was thinking while you’re pondering this bar deal you could consider a restaurant or two that aren’t large chains. I mean, how much Olive Garden can a girl be expected to eat? Now I know this next part isn’t really your deal but can someone explain to me why all AppleBee’s seem to have the geriatric feel going on? They might as well merge with Fur’s Cafeteria.

Also, one last thing, can you talk to God (because I know you guys are tight) about the lady in the library a few months ago. Her children were misbehaving and she threatened with this “If you don’t pick that stuff up right now YOU are NEVER going to Focus on the Family again!” I’m not sure threatening your children with never seeing Gods house again is exactly the thing you people are trying to portray… or perhaps you are.

Love,

Lauren

P.S. I’m sorry I always tell the world how much you fucking suck, but you really aren’t giving me much to work with here.

# posted by laurenblogs @ 11:19 AM