because I'm nice like that

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have more friends…then I think about situations such as these three, and remember.

1. My friend who is 33 and single, but still getting it on, calls to chat, and after a few minutes here is how the conversation goes

Her: I haven’t had my period all month

Me: Look Lindsay, let’s skip the middle school drama, call me when you take a test, if it’s positive I’ll send you some diapers or something.

2. I am telling friend number 2 about situation number 1 and it goes like this

Her: Speaking of periods I’ve had mine for the third time this month.

Me: Shut-up Anne, that’s just you maturing, making up for the fact you only had it twice by the time we were twenty.

3. Actual IM conversation with a third friend:

[10:03] Her: hey, what's up

[10:03] KatieLauren: nothing, you?

[10:03] KatieLauren: looking at houses?

[10:03] Her: how did you guess?

[10:04] Her: I have nothing else in my life right now except for the pursuit of shelter

[10:04] Her: I should just jump off a roof

[10:04]Her: don't worry I'm not serious

[10:04] KatieLauren: good i don’t feel like dealing with all that drama

[10:04] KatieLauren: dead people really get on my nerves

All names have been changed, because I’m not that much of an insensitive bitch.

-Lauren