Because the Grass is Always Greener...
Because the Grass is always Greener…
Perhaps this won’t be the funniest thing I have ever written and mostly because it isn’t intended to be funny. Which, if you know me must bring you to the conclusion I have a cold or herpes or something. Only because being intentionally funny is only my biggest goal in life; like the bad kid in kindergarten that doesn’t get enough attention so he shits himself and smears it all over the walls.
This though is more reflecting/depressing/rambling-totally not funny…
The year of 2008 was eventful and totally not eventful at the same time. I will go into more detail in my “Annual Christmas Letter”- procrastinated to the “Annual New Years Letter”- procrastinated to the “I’ll Update You When I Fucking Feel Like It Letter”
2008 left me in places I never thought I would be. Single at 28 and yes, yes my friends still a waitress. Not a waitress looking for other employment, but more of a waitress who is just a waitress. Single with a 21 year old boyfriend…in debt, and now get to check the box on legal forms that says “Divorced.” I like the in-depth legal forms that get really personal, the ones where I check “College educated,” Divorced” and “Makes Under 20,000 a year.” I like those the most because they make me realize where I stand.
Those and my friends. Not so much my friends as in they rag where I am. In fact unless these bitches are lying to me I am pretty sure most of them are in some sick weird way proud of where I am. Mostly because I was never voted “Most Likely to Make Millions” or “Most Likely to be in a Lasting Marriage,” or “Most Likely to Sit in a Cubical After Working Eighteen Hour Days” and I never ever would have been voted “Mostly Likely to Have Super Cute Funny Children…Who are Somewhat Well Behaved.”
I think I mostly would have been voted “Most Likely to Do What Ever She Wants,” “Most Likely to Misbehave For as Long as She Can Get Away With It,” “Most Likely to Never Be Content,” “Most Likely to Do What Ever It Takes to Keep Laughing.”
So perhaps most of them are proud of me because in fact I am doing what I was destined to do - fuck around and be happy about it! I think they’re most happy about the being happy part, and less about the fucking around.
Sometimes though, sometimes a girl gets a thought in her head and it doesn’t go away. When your best friend calls you about the fact her and her boyfriend are buying a house together, and it is just certain he is going to propose sometime in the near future you get a little bit wacky. And it doesn’t make sense because you don’t want a house because you know you aren’t responsible enough to handle your five hundred square foot apartment. And you KNOW you don’t want a husband because once you tried one of them on and it literally almost squeezed all of the life out of you. (Not literally, he never physically squeezed you but the situation did.) And you care a little when your stupid friend (come on you all know you have them) the one that no one ever liked - like the Kimmy Gibler from Full House, only more annoying because she isn’t eight - gets a job promotion. I shouldn’t say job - I have one of those - I mean career promotion. But most of all you doubt yourself when you see pictures of your other best friend’s child on Christmas morning and she looks like this…
And you know deep down you feed your dog’s noodles and McDonalds almost weekly because you run out of dog food . And you can cook, (but not chicken nuggests) but get grossed out at boogers, spit, vomit and all nasty that occupies little kids. And most of all you fear cartoon movies.
So you know you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be. You know that because you are happy and you laugh, a lot. And you hope deep down your friends keep having cute babies and buying houses and getting job promotions, you just hope that you can keep convincing yourself that regardless of the fact society tells you at 28 you should be married, own and house and have a career you are still ok. Or at least hope they have babies a little less cute.
Katie Lauren
P.S I promise a better more cute picture of this Kid tomorrow, because trust me I'm not second guessing my life over this blurry crap... she isn't funny in real life, just the site I stole her picture off of doesn't let me make her bigger...
P.P.S. I am so glad my friend is cool enough to let me use pictures of her daughter in a post that contains the words "Fuck" "Bitch" and "Herpes" - ok, so I didn't tell her that part when I asked permission but I doubt she expected much less
Perhaps this won’t be the funniest thing I have ever written and mostly because it isn’t intended to be funny. Which, if you know me must bring you to the conclusion I have a cold or herpes or something. Only because being intentionally funny is only my biggest goal in life; like the bad kid in kindergarten that doesn’t get enough attention so he shits himself and smears it all over the walls.
This though is more reflecting/depressing/rambling-totally not funny…
The year of 2008 was eventful and totally not eventful at the same time. I will go into more detail in my “Annual Christmas Letter”- procrastinated to the “Annual New Years Letter”- procrastinated to the “I’ll Update You When I Fucking Feel Like It Letter”
2008 left me in places I never thought I would be. Single at 28 and yes, yes my friends still a waitress. Not a waitress looking for other employment, but more of a waitress who is just a waitress. Single with a 21 year old boyfriend…in debt, and now get to check the box on legal forms that says “Divorced.” I like the in-depth legal forms that get really personal, the ones where I check “College educated,” Divorced” and “Makes Under 20,000 a year.” I like those the most because they make me realize where I stand.
Those and my friends. Not so much my friends as in they rag where I am. In fact unless these bitches are lying to me I am pretty sure most of them are in some sick weird way proud of where I am. Mostly because I was never voted “Most Likely to Make Millions” or “Most Likely to be in a Lasting Marriage,” or “Most Likely to Sit in a Cubical After Working Eighteen Hour Days” and I never ever would have been voted “Mostly Likely to Have Super Cute Funny Children…Who are Somewhat Well Behaved.”
I think I mostly would have been voted “Most Likely to Do What Ever She Wants,” “Most Likely to Misbehave For as Long as She Can Get Away With It,” “Most Likely to Never Be Content,” “Most Likely to Do What Ever It Takes to Keep Laughing.”
So perhaps most of them are proud of me because in fact I am doing what I was destined to do - fuck around and be happy about it! I think they’re most happy about the being happy part, and less about the fucking around.
Sometimes though, sometimes a girl gets a thought in her head and it doesn’t go away. When your best friend calls you about the fact her and her boyfriend are buying a house together, and it is just certain he is going to propose sometime in the near future you get a little bit wacky. And it doesn’t make sense because you don’t want a house because you know you aren’t responsible enough to handle your five hundred square foot apartment. And you KNOW you don’t want a husband because once you tried one of them on and it literally almost squeezed all of the life out of you. (Not literally, he never physically squeezed you but the situation did.) And you care a little when your stupid friend (come on you all know you have them) the one that no one ever liked - like the Kimmy Gibler from Full House, only more annoying because she isn’t eight - gets a job promotion. I shouldn’t say job - I have one of those - I mean career promotion. But most of all you doubt yourself when you see pictures of your other best friend’s child on Christmas morning and she looks like this…
And you know deep down you feed your dog’s noodles and McDonalds almost weekly because you run out of dog food . And you can cook, (but not chicken nuggests) but get grossed out at boogers, spit, vomit and all nasty that occupies little kids. And most of all you fear cartoon movies.
So you know you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be. You know that because you are happy and you laugh, a lot. And you hope deep down your friends keep having cute babies and buying houses and getting job promotions, you just hope that you can keep convincing yourself that regardless of the fact society tells you at 28 you should be married, own and house and have a career you are still ok. Or at least hope they have babies a little less cute.
Katie Lauren
P.S I promise a better more cute picture of this Kid tomorrow, because trust me I'm not second guessing my life over this blurry crap... she isn't funny in real life, just the site I stole her picture off of doesn't let me make her bigger...
P.P.S. I am so glad my friend is cool enough to let me use pictures of her daughter in a post that contains the words "Fuck" "Bitch" and "Herpes" - ok, so I didn't tell her that part when I asked permission but I doubt she expected much less
posted by KatieLauren at
12:36 AM
3 Comments:
Who gives a crap what everyone else is doing? To each his own. As long as you're happy.
Hey - I am in the same boat you are and I am happy too!!! I think it is perfectly fine and we should not let society get the best of us. Keep smiling and laughing and fuck the rest of them ;)
~MM (you know I was never voted any of those things either)
does the word complacency come to mind. who cares what others are doing, are you living up to your potential? personal happiness is not an end in itself.
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